Unselfish: Why You Should Put You Before Family, Friends and Other Loved Ones

Every so often, your phone chimes with a message from a friend requesting a ride or a family who needs money until payday or somebody in need of something. You’re in bed eyes half open or at work stressing over a deadline on a project you don’t nearly understand enough. But you stop and try to fulfill whatever request was made of you. Don’t. Being selfish is sometimes the most unselfish thing you can do.

The Airplane Mask Principle

When you’re flying, you’re instructor to put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to put on the child’s mask who might be with you. It sounds selfish, but putting yourself first could save you and the child. The logic is, if you’re struggling to put the child’s mask on before your own, you both could perish. If you put on your own first, you could more easily put on a child’s who might be a bit fussy or panicked. The same applies in life.

The best thing you can do for anybody else is be stable, healed and happy. The longer you delay your own happiness, the greater psychological risk you put yourself in. Without proper self-care, you’re under pressure that has nowhere to go. You know what happens when pressure builds up in pipes.

If every time you have a little extra cash you lend it out to a friend or family member who never or seldom pays it back, you’ll never have any savings. The people who are asking you for loans are the same people who won’t be able to give you one if you ever need one. As selfish as it might seem, you have to ask yourself what that person can do for you in the case you have an emergency. If it’s nothing, reconsider doing favors for them.

How to Say No

Sometimes, when somebody close to you asks you for a favor, you feel a pain in your chest saying no. A certain sense of guilt makes you cave like a hidden sandpit. You don’t owe anybody anything, and there are ways to say no without hurting feelings.

If a friend asks you for a ride more than what you’re comfortable with, you could mention a place where they could rent or buy a car. You could suggest services like Uber or Lyft. You could also just tell them how you feel. If they can’t accept honesty, they’re not your friend anyhow.

Furthermore, the same applies in all situations. If there’s a person asks for loans too often, direct them to an app like Earny to borrow money or suggest some other lenders. The purpose is to have that person seek the favor from a professional service that doesn’t involve you or your money.

Self-Care is the Best Care

Self-care is vital, and it’s something we don’t get to do often enough between jobs, families, school or other obligations, but it’s something you must do. You can do it any way.

When you think of self-care, you probably envision being kicked up on a sunny beach catching a tan in Dubai. Although that would be nice, it doesn’t need to be done in any specific way that cost you thousands of dollars. You could crotchet, look after your plants or just eat a carton of ice cream as you binge watch the latest episode of your favorite reality show.

You could also practice self-care with a licensed professional. Talking to a therapist is something you might find value in. You can talk to them about anything, they won’t judge you and your conversations are private and legally protected. There is always somewhere to go to get off your chest what you need to.

The Wrap Up

Self-care is important, and you can start doing it by being more selfish. It’s OK to say no. This is how you set boundaries and protect yourself. Sometimes, God and yourself is all you will have. Reach for those who reach for you.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block, who also works an Adjunct College Professor and director. Join the email list to get notifications on new articles and books. This article is 100% human-written. And remember, if you see an error, that’s what makes us human. Subscribe and share.