They Don’t Deserve You: Ditching No-Good People

An ex or former so-called friend will betray or otherwise harm you, kick you aside and then double back to try to crawl into your presence. As painful as it might be, you probably should never let them in your life again.

Truth(ish) Hurts

The things a person says while angry are the beliefs they hold that they haven’t spoken. The argument with you granted them a license to say to it, but it was already there. Somewhere in the Bible Jesus notes that what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart. That’s not to say you’ll never have an argument with a friend, family member or other loved one. But there’s a level to arguments.

You’ve likely had a disagreement with a friend or sibling. You all said things like, “No. It’s your fault” or “You never listen.” You two probably went a day or even a week without speaking before finally relenting. It was a disagreement that eventually worked itself out. But then there are those other arguments that come closer to verbal fights doused with a little verbal abuse.

The reason certain insults from particular individuals hurt so deeply is because they come from people you love and trust.

For instance, there’s probably been a time when an ex said something like “That’s why you can’t read” or “At least my dad can keep a job.” You stammered, mouth dry, pulse thumping. They’d gone too far. It’s a statement that stings every time you recall it, and you don’t know why.

The reason certain insults from particular individuals hurt so deeply is because they come from people you love and trust. It’s natural to feel betrayed, lost and scarred.

Moreover, when a person you confide in reveals one of your secrets, they tend to do it one of several ways: in your face but privately, in front of a crowd while you’re present or behind your back either online or in person with friends. Because of this, you’re less likely to tell others your secrets or open up to people.

The Falling Out and Come Back

After you get into an argument with a friend or loved one and they leave, depending on the nature of the relationship, you should keep it that way, especially if they’ve said or done irreparable damage. Sometimes, rejecting somebody is like trying to build a mountain out of marbles.

When a person doubles back after you two stop communicating, it could be for selfish reasons. They could have gone through a breakup, got into a car accident or just feel lonely. Their intentions for reaching out might be purely selfish in nature.

No relationship — rather it’s a friendship or romantic — should be one-sided.

In the instance described above, you need to consider your relationship with that person. Do they always call you when they’re in a situation? Do you ever call them when you’re in a situation, and how well do they help you?

No relationship — rather it’s a friendship or romantic — should be one-sided. If that person is not there when you need them or you can’t count on them, how much of a friend to you are they really? Some friendships are one-sided, and you don’t realize it until you’re in need and can’t get help. But arguments do happen.

… if that friend spoke ill of your dead grandmother, that person is not your friend…

Some things will be said. If your friend of thirty years calls you ugly in the middle of an argument, it might be childish. It is not a reason to excommunicate that person. Sometimes, people say petty things in an argument. However, if that friend spoke ill of your dead grandmother, that person is not your friend, and you’re better off without them.

Also, when your partner calls you stupid or your best friend brings up that secret you told them about yourself, you don’t need that person. They might come back teary-eyes and fake apologetic, but they’ll ruin you. They’ll drain your energy. You have to close the door. Forgive, but forgetting is not an option.

The Takeaway

What a person says in anger is largely what they really think of you. Even if it’s “just words”, words become actions. There are times when you must forgive and forget, especially when it’s silly in nature. When a friend or loved one downs you or throws up something in your face that you told them in secret, it’s time to move as far away as possible, figuratively speaking. If they come back on hands and knees, let the closed door be your answer.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block. He also works an Adjunct College Professor. Join the email list to get notifications on new blog posts and books.