Shut Down Needy People

A friend needs to borrow $20 from you, a family member needs a ride or somebody needs something from you. What they are requesting is either money or time, and you have neither to waste. Even though it might be difficult, you have to shut down needy people.

A Favor for a Favor

You’re not a greedy person, but you’re right to stop and wonder what a certain person has done for you. You have that friend who’s always in relationship trouble, and your apps chime with messages about their drama. They seek your advice, and you give it to them, knowing they’ll do the opposite. When you have an issue and reach out to them, they leave your messages on “read”.

So, the friend who leeches all the support from you are glaringly absent when you need a shoulder to lean on. This person is an emotional parasite. They drain you and don’t refill the well. Your relationship with them is not just non-beneficial to you but harmful.

The above is similar to the cousin who always needs a ride but never has gas money. You wake up thirty minutes earlier to fit them into your day. When you drop them off, you’re lucky to get a “Thank you.”

This doesn’t mean you should charge your cousin $60 a ride or ignore your friend in their time of need. It does mean you should evaluate the feasibility of the relationship you have with people who take but never give.

How to Shut Down the Needy

Everybody needs something, and everybody has something to give, but not everybody is willing to give. One of the easiest ways to shut down the needy is by complying with their request. As an example, you have that one cousin who keeps asking to borrow money but you know doesn’t pay back. When that cousin asks to borrow money, ask them when they will pay you back. Then loan them the money. You’ll win or break-even either way.

If the cousin pays you back, you get your money back and break-even. If they don’t pay you back, they’ll avoid you like a rare disease. You won’t hear from them for months or even a year. You’ve, in a sense, paid them to stay away from you. When they are brave enough to show their face again, let them bring up borrowing money again. Remind them of the non-payment. They’ll pretend they forgot and then they’ll “remember”. Don’t accept the “I’ll pay you that back and what you loan me this time.” Tell them you’ll feel comfortable loaning them money again once they repay the original loan. Again, you won’t hear from them for months or even another year.

As for the other needy, this might sound controversial, but simply say, “No.” It’s one word and one syllable. It’s tough to utter, but it’s your right. A person who respects you will respect your answer. Those who don’t won’t. You don’t need them around anyway.

The Takeaway

Everybody needs something, and that includes you. That means looking out for your own best interest sometimes. Doing so doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Examine relationships that don’t benefit you and reconsider how they fit into your life and potential self-growth.