Being a Man (or Boy) is F*cking Awesome: And Why Your Son Doesn’t Need Meds or an IEP

Whenever I see a boy tussling with a friend or brushing off that skinned knee, I remember the times I went home bruised, bleeding and happy. In this increasingly restrictive society, boys who choose bothering a friend at their desk over sitting still and listening to a teacher drone on are disagnosed as having ADHD or needing behavioral therapy. These boys are unfairly and without much thought given IEPs and isolated. Contrary to public opinion, those scrapes, burns and bruises are what make being a man (and boy) fucking awesome.

The Exhilaration of Danger

This video shows a group of teenage boys in a dark, wooded area as they light what appears to be four gallons of gasoline on fire. As the one with the lighter prepares to light the wick, he warns the boys who are not going to run to get back. As they comply, he lights the wick, and he and the cameraman backup. What ensues is the most exhilarating chain of explosions you’ve ever seen.

There’s a fireworks-related incident every year, and there would be none if they were replaced with flowers.

Because the wick is separated into four separate wicks, the containers explode at different times. The first explosion is mild. The second is much bigger, as is the third. The last explosion is ground shaking. The entire scene is engulfed in black smoke and flames. It looks like something out of a post-apocalyptic action film or game. You’ll easily watch it six times, with your heart beating faster each time. While the guys in the comments recalled times when they did dangerous things or suggested different accelerants for explosions, many women just wanted to know why. To these women, what the boys in this video did was dangerous and stupid, and they did not understand why anybody would do such a thing.

This may be hard for some to understand, but many men like to see things blow up. This is why The Fast and Furious has so many releases in its franchise, even though they’re basically just explosions and fast cars for two hours.

… flowers don’t explode and won’t bring 2 million tourists to a city.

Yes. Explosions are dangerous, and they can be scary and deadly. And that’s what makes them fun to watch or even be a part of. We celebrate the 4th of July with fireworks not flowers. There’s a fireworks-related incident every year, and there would be none if they were replaced with flowers. But flowers don’t explode and won’t bring 2 million tourists to a city.

Bonds Formed in Battle

Boys who are friends tend to wrestle with each other if not outright fight, and this prepares them for every little — and big — battle that will come their way. These physical challenges between friends build and solidify a bond between them as well. By the time they are men, they’re prepared for anything.

Younger men wrestle and fight with each other for fun sometimes, but this also reveals who’s dominant. Establishing dominance is important for order and decision-making. Depending on the circle of friends, either the most physically domineering or most intellectually inclined wins. The dominant one decides the identity of the group.

The authoritarian leader pushes his friends to their moral limit more often than not.

In any group of young men, there will be a leader, and that leader will have his own leadership style. In this way, establishing dominance helps men develop their leadership style. There are many, but two will be the main focus here: authoritarian leadership and democratic leadership.

An authoritarian leader makes all decisions without the consideration of others — to an extent. Regardless of the group, every man has a line he won’t cross. Short of being a terrible government or bloodthirsty cartel, an authoritarian leader in a small group of friends doesn’t have the leverage to make his friend take out a company CEO. The authoritarian leader pushes his friends to their moral limit more often than not. Still, the more successful leader employs democracy.

When there’s a bad plan (or good), men plan it out together, and the democratic leader guides, makes last decisions and takes on some major role. Again, this teaches how to be an effective leader and work with others. It gives the leader and everybody else in the group the opportunity to hone what they’re good at and bond with each other.

The Pay Off

Rohan Oza is a multimillion-dollar brand builder and occasional guest host on the hit tv show Shark Tank. Although he is an entrepreneur himself, Rohan works as a venture capitalist and has acknowledged that his strength lies in building brands not building companies. In this way, he has found his calling within the order of the business world, and this self-realization is part of what comes from men being among men. They figure out their best position and play it.

And then there are outspoken self-made billionaires like Mavericks owner Mark Cuban who remind you of the strong semi-authoritarian leader. Mark Cuban, who’s also a regular judge on the hit tv show Shark Tank, is decisive and frank. He is quick to call bs on a bad deal, even when his opinion is unpopular. Being able to double down without flinching in the face of power comes from holding your own amongst men in other situations.

Being a boy is not a medical condition.

That above considered, as the age-old saying goes, boys will be boys. They’ll set things on fire, break the tv and eat the last of your refrigerated food without permission. They’ll punch other boys in the face and even be on the receiving end of some. And they’ll gather in groups to multiply the results of their destructive behaviors.

And then they’ll grow up, but not fully, always keeping that kid in them at bay. They don’t have “ADHD”. They’ll watch over their own destructive sons and not help them stand up after a fall. Someday, they’ll be protecting their families and punching a clock, maybe as an executive. Boys don’t need behavioral therapy. They need to be respected and treated as boys. Being a boy is not a medical condition.

The Takeaway

Being a man (and boy) is fucking awesome, regardless of the media portrayal of men. Boys do things that might raise their mothers’ blood pressure. This is what boys do. They don’t need medication or to be diagnosed. They need space, time and understanding to grow into the protector they will one day be.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block. He also works an Adjunct College Professor. Join the email list to get notifications on new blog posts and books. This article is 100% human-written. And remember, if you see an error, that’s what makes us human. Subscribe and share.