3 Effective Tips to Stop Gossip and Rumors About You

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It’s taken you years to establish yourself as an independent tax professional, but now rumors are going around that you’re under IRS investigation. Or someone’s been telling your clients whose dogs you walk that you don’t actually walk the dogs. Whatever the gossip is, it’s hurting you in some way, and it makes your blood boil because it’s untrue. Many times, you might not know where to begin. Here are the 3 effective tips to stop gossip about yourself.

Tip 1: Address the Gossiper

Depending on the seriousness of the allegations, you may need to approach the person who’s spreading the gossip. As a note, finding out where a rumor started can be difficult. People who’ve heard the gossip will have heard it from different sources. So, when asked who they heard it from, there might be conflicting answers. When you do get the name of the person you believe is responsible, approach the person respectfully and ask — don’t accuse — them about their role in starting the gossip about you.

Also, some allegations are serious enough to lead to physical altercations, and those who start gossip are sometimes more offended about being called out than the person they started the rumors about. Because of this, gossipers can react unpredictably. It is best to address them in a public space where there are people present. The other people don’t need to be within earshot of the conversation, but they should be able to easily see both of you. Maybe have a witness with you. This lessens the chances the gossiper will do something erratic, but it does not guarantee that person won’t.

When someone who’s heard the gossip returns to the source, that source is not likely to repeat their false allegations about you.

Addressing the person who started the rumor does a number of things to stop the gossip. Most importantly, it puts the person on notice that you are aware of what they are doing. It also allows you to note in the future you addressed this person and that this person did not make the same allegations about you in your face. This proves the person is a liar. A person who’s telling the truth has no reason to say it behind your back but not to your face.

On a grander scale, addressing a gossiper cuts off the gossip at the source. When someone who’s heard the gossip returns to the source, that source is not likely to repeat their false allegations about you. They’ll try to save face by saying their remarks were taken out of context or simply not made by them at all. Whatever they say, your name will probably not be sullied further.

Tip 2: Address the Gossip

Some rumors start in a group setting like an office space or home amongst several people, meaning there is no one source. Many times, these kinds of rumors are not necessarily ill-intentioned but are based on false information or a misunderstanding.

If your family is under the impression you don’t eat pork and you post a picture that has a slice of ham on the plate, they might say you’ve been lying. Before you know it, that vegan slice of ham you posted has made you seem like you do in fact eat animals when you don’t. The rumors will eat you alive if you don’t address them.

Whatever the rumor is, you can start by addressing the overall group to set the record straight.

Whatever the rumor is, you can start by addressing the overall group to set the record straight. It could be a small faction of coworkers you work closely with or particular members of your family. Rumors in the workplace can be addressed directly with those coworkers or through a more formal process starting with HR. If you’ve ever worked anywhere, you know that many HR teams are more smoke than fire. Usually, no action is taken against the offending employee. When it’s serious enough though, it’s mostly dealt with accordingly. Mostly.

With your family, there is no HR. You have older family members who could be a part of spreading the gossip, so running to them for help won’t work, and you’ll be looked at as a family snitch. No one wants to be ostracized by their family. You must handle family delicately. When you do address your family in whole, keep a respectful tone free of accusations. Know what you’re talking about before you start talking. Otherwise, inconsistent statements will be used to dismiss your concerns entirely.

Tip 3: Ignore the Rumors

Some rumors are so vile or baseless, they deserve no attention at all. If someone is telling people you ate the last slice of pizza before everyone could have some, you might shrug it off. You don’t recall how many slices you had or how many there were there when you took yours. Even if you did, so what? It was good and worth it, you can’t change it and it’s not worth debating about.

Moreover, attention to gossip can be like oxygen to fire. The more attention you give it, the more problematic it becomes. This could come as a false Facebook post about you or an unflattering image of you making its way around the internet. Reporting it just leads to social media platforms telling you why it won’t be removed. It’s frustrating and deprives you of energy you could be using elsewhere.

Not wanting to talk about it alone is justification for pointing people to the door when they bring it up.

Plus, if you don’t want to address rumors or gossip, you don’t have to. There is no law requiring you engage in behavior you deem beneath you. You don’t owe anybody an explanation. Not wanting to talk about it alone is justification for pointing people to the door when they bring it up.

The most concerning thing is, a person’s believing outlandish rumors about you says a lot about the person and what the person thinks of you. If a person believes you would steal someone’s puppy, what do they think of you? What do they think of themselves in comparison to you? Do they think you’re capable of stealing a puppy while they are not? Questions like these are a legitimate reason to skip the conversation. The person’s intent is unclear, and they clearly have you confused with somebody else.

Extra: 4 Ways How Not to Handle a Gossiper

Don’t trust a gossiper. And don’t trust a gossiper coming to tell you what others said about you behind your back. You should listen with the quiet question “What were you saying the entire time?” at the forefront of your mind.

Do not fight them. Be careful when approaching a gossiper, and do not engage in a physical altercation. The topic could be minor, but the devastation could be major. To avoid this, keep a calm tone, and don’t escalate the situation. If the other person comes off as intent on escalating, walk away. It’s not worth it.

Direct or indirect social media posts can feel therapeutic, but they raise the temperature of the drama by a hundred degrees.

Don’t make social media posts about them. The best thing to do is address the person who started the rumor or to ignore them completely, while cutting ties. Direct or indirect social media posts can feel therapeutic, but they raise the temperature of the drama by a hundred degrees. This might incite a gossiper to reply to your posts, show up at your home or workplace or take other drastic steps. If you’re not going to say it to them directly, don’t say it.

Do not make revenge rumors. There is something satisfying about justice, witnessing a person take on the same fate they caused another person. This might happen to them, but don’t be the one to do it. Making up or spreading gossip, even if you are just returning the favor, isn’t helpful. It quite often is the opposite. You’d do better letting it go.

The Takeaway

Fake rumors and gossip can harm your reputation. Some of it starts unintentionally, but some of it is done with the intent to harm you. Addressing the source directly stops the gossip where it starts. Sometimes. Other times, ignoring it altogether is the way to go. You’re not obligated to address any rumors. Still, when you do, using the tactics mentioned in this article will effectively kill the rumors.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block, who also works an Adjunct College Professor. Join the email list to get notifications on new articles and books. This article is 100% human-written. And remember, if you see an error, that’s what makes us human. Subscribe and share.