Creating Distance from Jealous People

Two women fistfighting in the streets for social media posted by a user on Facebook.

Recently, a trend has popped up that features women squaring off in the streets and having violent fistfights encouraged by “friends.” The fighters usually come with their respective gangs of onlookers and instigators disguised as friends. More often than not, one of the girl fighters is pummeled, and instead of helping to break it up, her friends record or become spectators. If someone is encouraging you to be the worst you, they’re not your friend, and they’re probably jealous of you.

Bad Advice Equals Bad Friends

Sometimes, you have a disagreement with a sibling or other family member, and you might tell your friends about it. You’ll say how upset you were, the hurtful things the sibling said, what you said back and how you won’t talk to that person going forward. This is where bad friends come in.

As Ph.D. Erin Leonard writes for the NY Times, there are four basic types of “toxic friends,” and they each “maneuver differently.” She says the main four types of toxic friends to steer clear of are The Pot Stirrer, The Faker, The Hero and The Victim. We’re focusing on The Faker in this article, but you can read her article about the four types of toxic friends by clicking here.

A real friend is going to hear you out and then suggest you take time to cool off. They’ll offer alternatives to what you thought were offensive statements and imply you should reach out to your family member to make amends. If you were wrong or said something very hurtful, your friend might say apologizing is a good step forward. Nonprofit founder Juli Slattery says, “A true friend will tell you unpleasant truths.” This is not referring to being mean or hurtful but being honest and helpful.

When someone is giving you bad advice, you have to ask yourself why.

On the other hand, a faker will tell you that cursing out your relative was a good move. They’ll encourage you to hold a grudge and seek revenge. They might even incite you to escalate the situation. When someone is giving you bad advice, you have to ask yourself why.

You and your sibling hang out, talk on the phone and don’t ever miss a birthday apart. You two are close, and the closeness of your relationship could cause jealousy. People, maybe like your friend, who come from households where their family wasn’t close, they might be jealous of your relationship with your family. They don’t have the same love and support, and doing anything to sabotage yours is good enough for them. Sometimes, people don’t want what you have. They just don’t want you to have it.

Back to the Fighter Girls

I don’t spend my time watching fight videos on the internet, but I have seen some, and the ones involving women have strangely similar elements. The strangest of these are the women who accompany the women fighters but offer no help.

In too many instances, there is one physically attractive female fighter with a group of friends and one not so attractive female fighter with her own group. The pretty fighter steps up and gets punched in the face. She eats concrete and is dragged by the hair and kicked by the other fighter. At this point, the fight is over because the pretty one can’t defend herself.

Her hair is yanked out and scattered across the parking lot.

But no one steps in to stop the fight, not even her friends. On the contrary, some of the opposing girls jump in. Once it’s all said and done, the pretty fighter is scratched up and bleeding. Her hair is yanked out and scattered across the parking lot. Her friends have recorded the entire thing, watched it and offered no help. And they all get in the same car and pull off. The friends then post the beating the pretty friend took. The question is, why?

The Ugly Truth

The South Bend Tribune published an article called “5 Reasons Women Envy the Beauty of Other Women and 5 Horrible Consequence,” choosing to explore the controversial topic. Pretty women can make other women extremely jealous, even if they are attractive as well. When a pretty woman walks in the room, the first person some women look at is their man. They want to see his reaction, and if they do, it’s a reaction they will not ever forget. They will always wonder why he hasn’t ever looked at them that way.

Some women have careers, degrees and general success. They have childhood friends they’re close with who don’t have those things. The friend who doesn’t have those things but has tried and failed to achieve them might have bitter feelings against their successful friend. In their mind, their friend thinks they’re “better than” everyone because they have degrees and success. The bitter friend has hard feelings, so they jump at the opportunity offer bad advice to their friend or to watch them be physically humiliated.

The unattractive friend is insecure in her own skin.

As with humans in general, some women are just not generally attractive, or they just don’t feel that way. Standing beside a friend who slows down traffic when she walks on the curb can be difficult to deal with. The unattractive friend is insecure in her own skin. This insecurity shows in how badly she advises her friend in times of distress.

Cut Off the Haters

To cut off the haters, you have to identify them in your life. People who are telling you to curse out your family members, cheat the IRS or do other things that will end badly are not your friend. As an adult, you know right from wrong. Cursing out family members happens for some, but it’s not something you should be proud of doing. You should probably be apologizing. At the very least, you shouldn’t be making it worse. A bad friend will tell you to do the wrong thing.

As Vocal.Media.com notes, “Fake friends can erode our self-confidence.” A fake friend can hurt you in all aspects of your life, like when they discourage you from following your dream. You’ve probably flown an idea by a friend and had them say, “It doesn’t make sense” or “You won’t make any money.” These statements were likely made without any real knowledge of what you were talking about. They simply offered you a negative opinion from a negative place. This can damage your future.

You’ll make it because you still have the youthful flame of dreaming…

They say that your network determines your net worth, and when you are around dream killers, your dreams die. When you are around dreamers who take action, your dreams too become reality. This is where old friends grow apart.

You still write out your plans, set goals and believe you will do everything you want, but your friend doesn’t. You believe these things not just because you have hope but you have a strategy. Your friend doesn’t believe it because nothing of their dreams or aspirations has ever come true. There’s no way yours will either from their perspective, but it is untrue. You’ll make it because you still have the youthful flame of dreaming that your friend doesn’t.

… negativity is a contagious virus that spreads.

Life hardens some people, especially when they didn’t have a strong family support system or the love that comes with it. Life for them ain’t been no crystal stair, as famous poet Langston Hughes would put it. Although you might be empathetic to the disillusionment they feel, it’s not something you should inherit. When a person is offering you bad advice or shooting down your ideas, it’s time to cut them from your network because negativity is a contagious virus that spreads.

The Takeaway

Anyone telling you to fistfight in the streets is not your friend. Any person shooting down your ideas without a second thought isn’t your friend. Your network determines how far you go in life, and not everyone deserves to be a part of your network. Separate the fakes from the real, and create distance between you and people who are jealous of you. Doing so will make you a better, stronger version of you.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block. Join the email list to get notifications on new blog posts and books. This article is 100% human-written. And remember, if you see an error, that’s what makes us human.