Disengage Negative Nathaniels This Holiday Season

With the 4th of July here and more holidays soon approaching, it’s time to prepare your people management skills. Along with great food will also be people who don’t like you. More importantly, there will be people you don’t like, be they old friends or the cousin that steals. Instead of nearly coming to blows with these people, save the holiday dinner with a plan to deal with Negative Nathaniels.

You Owe Them Nothing

There are cousins who haven’t seen you in ages, and they’ll ask you a thousand really personal questions, and they’ll expect an answer. When the person who makes your stomach roll corners you at the cookout, you’ll feel pressured to answer their questions. Don’t. You don’t have to, and that’s one way of protecting yourself.

You wouldn’t give your masseuse keys to your apartment…

We often feel obligated to give people answers to their questions about us, but we don’t ever think about security clearances. What I mean is, your life is valuable and not everyone deserves the same level of access to be in it. You wouldn’t give your masseuse keys to your apartment, unless they were giving you more than massages. Honestly, we’d all like to date a masseuse like Jerry Seinfeld for free massages, but that’s beside the point.

However, the point is, information is powerful, and this is why companies pay so much for your data. When a Negative Nathaniel is worried about who you’re dating, how much money you have or how you spend your free time, they’re worried about the wrong thing.

What does knowing who you’re dating do for them? Will they search them on social media, and for what? Why does your money matter to them? Do they want some, or do they want to know how much money you don’t have? Before answering any questions, ask yourself how that information benefits them. Ask yourself what revealing it does for you. Feel free to say, “Let’s talk about something else” or to simply troll them.

Give them unreliable information, and know they would have no problem doing so to you. They don’t lie out of fear but out of control. Information can mean leverage. They know more about you than you do about them. So, protect yourself, and troll when you feel obliged.

Go the Other Way

If you see a Negative Nathaniel making a beeline in your direction, beeline in the opposite direction. This is called keeping your distance, and it’s an effective strategy to avoid disagreeable people. It can feel awkward at times, but it becomes an art when you do it enough.

Whatever you do, get away…

Sometimes, you can see the hater stumbling in your direction from across the room. In that case, it’s easy to move around. You can make a plate of food. Or you can eat the food and have a mouth so full, you can’t speak. But if they’re already upon you, you can still break free.

Although this one is as older than restrooms, saying you need to go gets you a pass away from disagreeables. Additionally, it might give them a signal that you don’t want to be bothered. That’s the signal you want them to read, but you want to send it as subtly as possible. If you can’t do that, take or make a call. Whatever you do, get away, and go the other way.

The Takeaway

You owe nothing to Negative Nathaniels, and you should avoid them at the holiday gatherings. When they start asking you probing questions, change the subject. Or troll them with bad information, and have fun while you do it. Go the other way when you see them coming, and enjoy time with the people who love you the most.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block. Join the email list to get notifications on new blog posts and books. This article is 100% human-written. And remember, if you see an error, that’s what makes us human.