Top 3 Funniest Statements I’ve Heard

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I teach English, and I always tell my students how nuanced the language is. I also have degrees in writing. I love language. In celebration of the nuances of the English language, here are the funniest three statements — or misstatements— I’ve heard.

3. No Solar System at Walmart

I march into Walmart in a hurry searching for science kits of the solar system. As I walk further and take in the vastness of the store, I know I can wander around for half an hour before getting what I need. So, I turn to a large group of chatting Walmart employees.

“Excuse me,” I say. “Where can I find solar system kits or materials to make one with?”

They all scrunch up their faces at each other in confusion. “I don’t think we sell those. You said a ‘solar system’? What’s that?”

I pause. “The solar system? I mean, it’s the sun and the planets. I’m asking about a kit or styrofoam balls and wire. And paint.”

“Aw. We don’t sell the solar system.”

2. WIFI Sounded Out

Years ago, I was walking with a friend after school. The sun just about melted our shoes to the concrete, but we walked nonetheless.

As we trudged toward the comfort of the library’s AC, we came upon a sign. It read, “We now have public WIFI.”

The person with me stopped and frowned. “Wee fee? What the hell is wee fee?”

I squinted at her. “It says ‘Why Fi’ (phonetic-ish).” We didn’t talk for an hour. I was too busy laughing.

1. Planets Full of Dwarves

My niece came and asked, “Is Pluto a dwarf planet?”

I nodded. “Yes. There are millions of dwarf planets.”

My cousin interrupted. “Stop telling her that. There are no planets full of dwarves.”

I stared blankly and then almost cried in laughter. Before I could say it, my niece said, “A dwarf planet is like a small planet that’s not really a planet. It’s not a planet full of dwarves.” My cousin can’t ever live this down.

The Takeaway

English is hilarious, especially when it’s misunderstood. Happy Monday. Have a blast, and make the most of it. But also, do listen for comedy.

This article was written by Jermaine Reed, MFA, the Editor-in-Chief of The Reeders Block. Join the email list to get notifications on new blog posts and books. This article is 100% human-written. And remember, if you see an error, that’s what makes us human.