In Case You Are Creating Distance

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As you grow, conversations with loved ones might not feel the same. The temperature in the room may change when you step in. Or one day you’re sitting in a bar with a group of friends and realize “You know, I really don’t like it here.” You think it’s time to create distance, and you’re right. But there’s a way to do it right.

Creating Distance as a Tool

There is a difference between “cutting someone off” and creating distance. While cutting someone off is comprehensive, creating distance can allow for contact, albeit from a distance.

That in mind, creating distance can be an effective tool for rebalancing a relationship, friendship or otherwise. In this downtime where there is less frequent communication, you have time to consider the situation. What’s really the problem? Who’s really wrong, and does it actually matter?

Furthermore, it lessens the likelihood of emotions triggering someone to say something they can’t take back. People can say mean things in the heat of the moment, so taking a breather is essential.

Creating distance should not be a retaliatory act or something done out of spite. It should be employed carefully and under the right conditions. Let’s discuss when to actually create distance.

When to Create a Healthy Distance

Conflict between people isn’t rare, and it’s not uncommon to have disagreements with loved ones or friends. Cutting someone off over a small disagreement is not healthy and is counterintuitive. But there is a process for doing so when appropriate.

To begin with, why are you considering cutting someone off? Are you currently in a long-term disagreement with them? What is it about, and can it be discussed? If you had a falling out over a basketball game, talking it out is probably best. More serious issues are different.

If someone steals from you, you should forgive them. However, allowing them to stay in your home while you’re gone is not a great idea. Because of something so serious, you have to create distance.

That acknowledged, you should begin the process of distancing yourself from someone after other methods have failed. If you have tried talking to them and having a meeting of the minds that failed, maybe it is time for some distance. What this looks like is up to you.

Depending on what a person does, you might not want to talk to them for a few days, or you might decide not ever seeing them again is best. There are levels to communication. People call, text, video call, message, etc. They also kick it in the same room. Each contact creates its own connectedness. The seriousness of the situation dictates the level and type of communication going forward.

On this topic, I do want to note something related in the Bible. Peter came to Jesus and asked how many times he should forgive those who have sinned against him. Peter asked if he should forgive a man “seven times.” In response, Jesus said he should forgive someone even if they wronged him “seventy times seven.”

The Takeway

There are times when creating distance is necessary. Do so wisely, and don’t do it out of retaliation or vindictiveness. Before distancing yourself, look for solutions through reflection and communication. Do what’s best for you, and keep forgiveness at the forefront,

FOLLOW the author and educator Jermaine Reed, MFA on X @Jermaine Reed, MFA for his controversial but real hot takes.